Life is the real thing.

Life is the real thing, and you get one chance at it. Do not live your life as if you can ask for a do-over. We all have one chance to make our mark. Leave the legacy you believe in. Find out what it is that makes you tick. The passions in your heart are there for a reason! Find your abilities, talents, and gifts that make your life unique and special and use them to better yourself and the world around you!

Character, what is it?

Over the past several years, since I began life coaching one of the things you depend upon when working with other people is that you would hope they are being honest with you. Even in a relationship or friendship we all desire honesty and transparency but we do not live in a perfect world. For many reasons people lie, most of the time it is to protect themselves, to gain some sort of personal gratification, to hide, or to even have some control over a situation they feel is out of control. Of course, none of it is actually valid but in the moment, it happens.
So what is character? Is someone's character really shown by their actions? I believe character is shown when someone lives their life as if nothing is a secret. What you do in secret when you think no one is watching defines who you really are and what you are actually all about.

Dealing with manipulative people

Manipulative people can surface in many relationships. It is important not to confuse manipulation with "influence" . Someone that is influential creates balance and health and spurs you on to be a better person and reach your goals. Manipulation however is a tactic used to control others through lies, remarks, stories, actions,financial means, etc. It can rear its ugly head in many ways. What do you do and how do you handle this, especially if you have someone close to you has been manipulating people all their life. For some it is a way of life. It is not the correct way of life though. People like this are fearful, and in most cases can be very dramatic with their every day life. Most of the time their ultimate desire is self based and they will not have close personal relationships with others. Ultimately their manipulation backfires. But nonetheless, they can be difficult to deal with and you need to be able to recognize manipulation and stand up to it.
In some cases the manipulative person can and will target who they "can" and can't manipulate. Keep in mind....from an earlier post,.....There is no show without an audience! Same for manipulators....they can not manipulate others, if they are not allowed. If someone feels they can manipulate you, they will keep calling, keep coming back, and continuously showing up in your life for something unhealthy.
Keep a balance in your relationships. Keep manipulators at a distance. It takes two to tango...and it always involves two when their are unhealthy patterns. Have nothing to do with it! So, I know the question is there, what do you do when this person is someone in your family? A spouse, parent, or child. Obviously those relationships you can not walk completely away from. BUT, you need to be very specific, clarify what you will and will not allow and enforce that you have boundaries. This will not be easy, you will have differing opinions, but you need to keep unhealthy people in your life at a distance and make them understand how far they can go.
Maintain your character. Manipulative people lie. Keep this tactic in mind. Remember, manipulative people are driven by fear and insecurity and will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel better. Be true to who you are,  who have you always been, manipulators have a pattern and I guarantee you are not the only one in their lives who sees it.
Set limits with people who try to manipulate you and clarify what it is that the relationship will be. Some people you just can not be close to in all of the ways you want to be because of unhealthy patterns or destructive habits.

 photo:http://www.activatemg.co.nz/middle-management-development/

Mean what you say....and say what you mean!

Words....they have the power to heal, motivate,and encourage. Words.....also have the power to destroy, tear down, and cripple. I find it astounding how loosely people speak to each other sometimes in relationships. As if the words they say will be quickly forgiven or looked past in an instant. It just isn't true. I have been married for several years, married into a family where words have been thrown around like a volleyball their entire lives. I see how it destroys children, makes disrespectful teenagers, and poor intimate relationships. I have seen how people can truly hurt others with their communication. I can see how generations will be affected by the actions of today. It is very important to treat people in your life with deep respect and mutual admiration. Your children will see how you relate and become the mirror image of you. Generations always reap what you sow.

Why do unhealthy people resist change?

It is one of those questions I ask myself all the time, "Why do unhealthy people resist change?" You would imagine that an unhealthy person would want to get healthy and in many cases they do, but for some it really is a struggle. I am not even talking about the physical aspect of things, I am talking about the over all person from the inside out. Relationships can make people toxic and unhealthy, yet they stick around those people who will continue to abuse them, their trust, resources, etc. It makes no sense to me. However, if everyone were content and healthy I would be out of a job and we would all be in heaven. This side of heaven people will always have issues. It is how one handle things that make the difference.
There are some who have been living so unhealthy in so many areas of their life that if the healthy "bug" came up behind them and bit them in the rear end, they still would not be able to recognize it or even accept it. In fact, they may even reject 'healthy' because they do not know any better.
Most of the time the one(s) who are living in an unhealthy situation will not see it until something drastic happens. Recognizing that there needs to be lifestyle changes is the one key piece that will make the true difference.
We have heard the phrase, 'you can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink,' it is cliche i know but very true. You can tell someone the truth, even if it hurts. You may also show them a better way, but you will never be able to make them change.
People change when they want to change and when their pain is greater for them then the fear of change itself.
What can you do as a person surrounded by unhealthy people?
Here are a few to start:
1. Be the change you want to see- all you can do is live your life the way you want to live and live it out healthy, true, and whole. Sooner or later those around you that have been spinning out of control will either spin out of your life all together or they will see a difference and maybe one day want some of that difference.
2. Keep healthy boundaries- stand your ground. Those who are unhealthy will reject your boundaries and manipulate you to feel guilty, feel sorry for taking a stand, for leaving, etc... STAND your GROUND!
Pick up the book Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend.... awesome resource!!! Every family in America should read this book.
3. Seek Counseling- there is no shame in seeking wise counsel. Seek it...and find it...and do it! 
These are just a couple things but know that every day, every person has a choice. They have a choice to survive or thrive. Thriving is the way I want to live....how about you?