Dealing with manipulative people

Manipulative people can surface in many relationships. It is important not to confuse manipulation with "influence" . Someone that is influential creates balance and health and spurs you on to be a better person and reach your goals. Manipulation however is a tactic used to control others through lies, remarks, stories, actions,financial means, etc. It can rear its ugly head in many ways. What do you do and how do you handle this, especially if you have someone close to you has been manipulating people all their life. For some it is a way of life. It is not the correct way of life though. People like this are fearful, and in most cases can be very dramatic with their every day life. Most of the time their ultimate desire is self based and they will not have close personal relationships with others. Ultimately their manipulation backfires. But nonetheless, they can be difficult to deal with and you need to be able to recognize manipulation and stand up to it.
In some cases the manipulative person can and will target who they "can" and can't manipulate. Keep in mind....from an earlier post,.....There is no show without an audience! Same for manipulators....they can not manipulate others, if they are not allowed. If someone feels they can manipulate you, they will keep calling, keep coming back, and continuously showing up in your life for something unhealthy.
Keep a balance in your relationships. Keep manipulators at a distance. It takes two to tango...and it always involves two when their are unhealthy patterns. Have nothing to do with it! So, I know the question is there, what do you do when this person is someone in your family? A spouse, parent, or child. Obviously those relationships you can not walk completely away from. BUT, you need to be very specific, clarify what you will and will not allow and enforce that you have boundaries. This will not be easy, you will have differing opinions, but you need to keep unhealthy people in your life at a distance and make them understand how far they can go.
Maintain your character. Manipulative people lie. Keep this tactic in mind. Remember, manipulative people are driven by fear and insecurity and will do whatever it takes to make themselves feel better. Be true to who you are,  who have you always been, manipulators have a pattern and I guarantee you are not the only one in their lives who sees it.
Set limits with people who try to manipulate you and clarify what it is that the relationship will be. Some people you just can not be close to in all of the ways you want to be because of unhealthy patterns or destructive habits.

 photo:http://www.activatemg.co.nz/middle-management-development/

Leave the NOT POSSIBLE, behind!

Success is not a far off dream that you cannot attain.Success is not a dream that doesn’t happen.
Success is not a “maybe”.... Success is leaving that, "NOT POSSIBLE" behind. Turn all of the obstacles into stepping stones.Get out of your own way, sometimes you are the biggest reason things have not changed. Never accept defeat.Get excited.Think big.Make it happen.Be part of the one percent that DO IT! Leaving behind the people or the things that make you believe that your dreams are not possible....can be a very tough thing to do. Obstacles come in all kinds of forms. I have really had my share of obstacles, too many to write on here and honestly, I really do not want to focus on them anymore. Learn to use the things that trip you up as a tool to get higher to your ultimate goals and dreams. It does not matter what town you are from, it does not matter what family you had or did not have, it does not matter who has come against you, what matters is that you make a choice today to never be the same. Look to the future. Know that the plans and purposes are planted deep in your heart and it is up to you to fulfill them and get out of your own way.

Why do unhealthy people resist change?

It is one of those questions I ask myself all the time, "Why do unhealthy people resist change?" You would imagine that an unhealthy person would want to get healthy and in many cases they do, but for some it really is a struggle. I am not even talking about the physical aspect of things, I am talking about the over all person from the inside out. Relationships can make people toxic and unhealthy, yet they stick around those people who will continue to abuse them, their trust, resources, etc. It makes no sense to me. However, if everyone were content and healthy I would be out of a job and we would all be in heaven. This side of heaven people will always have issues. It is how one handle things that make the difference.
There are some who have been living so unhealthy in so many areas of their life that if the healthy "bug" came up behind them and bit them in the rear end, they still would not be able to recognize it or even accept it. In fact, they may even reject 'healthy' because they do not know any better.
Most of the time the one(s) who are living in an unhealthy situation will not see it until something drastic happens. Recognizing that there needs to be lifestyle changes is the one key piece that will make the true difference.
We have heard the phrase, 'you can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink,' it is cliche i know but very true. You can tell someone the truth, even if it hurts. You may also show them a better way, but you will never be able to make them change.
People change when they want to change and when their pain is greater for them then the fear of change itself.
What can you do as a person surrounded by unhealthy people?
Here are a few to start:
1. Be the change you want to see- all you can do is live your life the way you want to live and live it out healthy, true, and whole. Sooner or later those around you that have been spinning out of control will either spin out of your life all together or they will see a difference and maybe one day want some of that difference.
2. Keep healthy boundaries- stand your ground. Those who are unhealthy will reject your boundaries and manipulate you to feel guilty, feel sorry for taking a stand, for leaving, etc... STAND your GROUND!
Pick up the book Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend.... awesome resource!!! Every family in America should read this book.
3. Seek Counseling- there is no shame in seeking wise counsel. Seek it...and find it...and do it! 
These are just a couple things but know that every day, every person has a choice. They have a choice to survive or thrive. Thriving is the way I want to live....how about you?

Power breakfast on the go

Every morning I run around making sure that the people and my house all get taken care of,and most of the time it is all before 7 am. Way too early for me. I loved being a morning person for years, then I had kids. The entire concept changed for me, it was no longer mornings to have quiet time and get ready in peace for the day. My mornings became quite crazy, intense, and at times almost in tears by 9 am. I needed to figure out how to eat healthy and not skimp on meals. I do protein shakes and make my own protein bars occasionally but most mornings I make myself this power breakfast that is quick and easy and I can do it in between getting dressed, changing kids, and cleaning up all kinds of disasters. The best part about it is that you can throw it in a bag if you need to run out the door for work.

Slice of multigrain bread toasted- Spread with almond butter and sprinkle with chia seed.
Grab a banana and slice on top or eat on the go.
If you are really in a hurry fold the bread in half to make it less messy and eat on the go.
Protein bars are also a great way to start your day or snack. Recipe and links for protein are under the label to the right. "Recipes"

Good News...The power of happy thoughts

I love getting good news, don't you? I really can not imagine anyone not loving good news. I know for me and my family we have had some tough few weeks. It seemed like we had bad news every day last month. Today I am thrilled and celebrating for two very special people in my life. I have two very dear friends who have had an "out of the blue" surprise and it proves that all things can become beautiful in time, and how God always makes things new.
In our world it seems that stress and gloom can bombard our thinking, it can weigh us down, make us sad, and even depressed.Taking time to think about the good things that have come into your life makes you value what is important and re-evaluate some of your goals. Filing our spirits and minds with good and happy thoughts actually improves the quality of our life. When we constantly focus on the negative or live a life of comparison it creates a breeding ground for unhealthy thoughts to take over.

By changing the way you think you can create a more positive environment for yourself and those around you. I am taking today to rejoice, it is so important to love others enough to be able to rejoice with them when good things come their way. Celebrate all of life's big and small surprises!!

What is spoiling your life?

I know it seems like a strong question to be asking, but seriously ask yourself, "What is spoiling my life?" There is a passage of scripture that I can not help but think of, "Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. Song of Solomon 2:15. " You see we have a vineyard, in the sense that we have our lives. Our lives are precious, short, and are meant to be lived to make an impact on the people around us. We were all created with purpose and thought. When we allow the sly little foxes to come into our life, over time they begin to ruin seeds that are planted and meant for growth. Many times the "foxes' can actually kill and ruin an entire crop.
So what is a fox? Well, a fox actually represents many things and even other people. What are the little foxes that are attempting to destroy your life and well being?
We are in a new season of life. A time of Spring is now upon each and everyone of us. The cold harsh winds of winter have blown through each and every one of our spirits at some time or another. But with the newness of spring, growth, and renewal bloom forth.
It is funny but a good observation and something I have always noticed in my life and while talking with others is that the little foxes always seem to come prowling around when we are getting our lives in order. Little foxes continue to eat away and gnaw at whatever they can in your life until it becomes a bigger fox. Sly foxes are not easy to catch and take down, they are sly, they are cunning, and they know where you are. But to catch a fox is not impossible, it is about recognizing it is there, it is ruining your "vineyard" of life and you will no longer tolerate it.
There are things we have to hold onto in life, things that are precious and are important. So go and discover what little foxes are attacking your life....it is time for growth, new beginnings, and victory.

My grandfather....a legacy not forgotten

Today is my grandfathers birthday. He would have been 75. He passed into eternity a few days ago, and as I write this I only wish he could be alive to read the words and know how much he has meant, not just to me, but to everyone he came in contact with on a regular basis. It is so strange that someone has to die to make everyone around them realize what a great person they lost. It doesn't seem to make sense. Going through this the last few days has made me think about so much, I have experienced a ton of emotions and am brought to tears at the thought I will never hear his laugh or listen to his sense of humor anymore. I have also thought more about what it means to value the people in your life while you have them, love them a little deeper, hug them a little longer, look at them a few more times...because you really never know when one's time here is completed.
I mentioned he was a legacy not forgotten,and I mean that in so many ways. He was not just a good person, he was an exceptional man. I've known a lot of men, I was raised with one along with my mom, I grew up beside five of them (my two brothers and three dear brother friends next door), I have loved a couple and lost a couple, and now I am married to one; and I have to say that in looking at his life;  he lived NOT like most men. I know he had flaws, no one is perfect: however, he was a man that rarely exists in one human being. He loved life, he adored his wife, he cherished his children, never criticized, sought hard after God, prayed daily for those who loved, and lived out what he believed, was gentle and kind, yet incredibly strong. He took joy in little things like caring for flowers, birds, and gardening, yet owned his own business for years as a hard working and dedicated husband and father.
I stood at his graveside and listened as so many that loved him shared their thoughts, their memories, the treasured moments they shared with this man while he walked this earth and it made me even deeper stunned that this man who I have known all my life was my very own and dear grandfather. His children and wife had not one thing negative to ever say of him, he walked with respect and treated everyone around him with respect as every decent human being should do. I thought to myself, what a life to live....where no one around you ever had anything negative to say about you or could ever remember one bad thought of him. That is the kind of life I want to live. I know he will never know this from me at this point, but I so deeply value and treasure all he has taught me even in his death.
He longed to see people around him be a better person, he prayed long hours for those he loved to come to a better understanding of what it meant to live a pure and righteous life. I know he prayed for me, and I am sure his love for his family and the prayers for those he loved were heard and are being answered even today.

"I love you Pop. Today you are celebrating with the love of your life, your Lord and Savior and for that I am so happy for you. You have made a lasting impression on everyone you knew and I am grateful I had an amazing man in my own life like you to show me the kind of life I want to live.In your honor, love Laura"

Low Fat and Healthy Blueberry Muffins

Today I did some experimenting. Trying to cut the fat calories from food is not easy, especially when baking. Everything seems to use butter (lots of it) and sugar (lots of that too). I am searching for better alternatives. I have been using Stevia to replace sugar, stevia has  zero calories and you can use less than what the recipe calls for in sugar. I also have made a switch to coconut oil versus butter. This is an incredible alternative for butter. It has the same consistency but with a million times more healthier reasons to switch. I have also used olive oil instead of butter in some recipes. It really is one of those things you have to experiment with while baking. Stevia and Coconut Oil are two amazing things that will not disappoint.

So this is what my experimenting came up with today and I have to admit they are pretty good. I hope you can try them and maybe tweak them to suit your taste. Enjoy!
Blueberry Muffins
1 cup of non bleached all purpose flour
1 cup of wheat flour
3 tablespoons of Stevia
1 tsp of baking powder
1/2 tsp of baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
2 cups of low fat organic milk
2 tablespoons of Olive oil
1 large egg
2 tsp of vanilla
2 cups fresh blueberries
Zest of one lemon
1 scoop of Fiber boost (optional but you can buy the fiber boost HERE)
Topping
1/2 cup uncooked oatmeal
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp of stevia
1/2 cup slivered almonds
Preheat oven to 400, place cupcake liners in pan or use a non stick spray in your muffin tins.
Mix all the dry ingredients. Flour, stevia, baking powder, baking soda, fiber boost, and salt. In small bowl mix the milk, olive oil, egg, and vanilla. Make a small hole in the dry mixture and pour the liquid mixture into the center and begin to stir until blended. Fold in the blueberries and place the mix into the muffin tins. Fill 2/3 of the way and top with oatmeal, cinnamon, and stevia mixture.
Bake 18-20 minutes.
Makes 12.

I hope you enjoy creating something new and healthy for yourself and family.

Wellness Program

Just started a wellness program for women who want to achieve better health and want support while reaching their goals. We will meet once a month for a physical activity such as yoga, walking, hiking, etc. We will work out together and then have some time to talk about our goals and challenges we face meeting them. I am opening this up to any women in the area that are interested. Please email me for more information.   (mylittlelifecoach@gmail.com)